Chi Dances
by Lord Cynic
Summary: First Chobits fanfic, a shortish oneshot. It's hard to be Hideki Motosuwa when your persocom knows how to work a DVD... don't judge the writer by the content.


**Lord Cynic: **"What a weird way to celebrate my birthday. No, I don't mean the submission of fanfiction I mean the actual content. You'll see what I mean. This stuff is actually… disturbing, and that's if you know what I'm like. My friend read it, and now he's convinced I'm corrupt. But I'm not, really. I'm just curious. Be gentle, though… please?"

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**Lord Cynic:** "I don't own Chobits. I have 1-5 of the manga, and the whole DVD box set though. Can't get enough."

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**Chi Dances**

Persocoms are the pinnacles of technology these days. They're beautiful, intelligent and incredibly helpful, you'd be an idiot not to have one of your own. They can check your email, take your phone calls, even login to the Internet and search any kind of websites you can think of. Yep, they're definitely the best companions a person can have. They're just so... perfect.

However, that's not always the case. Take me for instance. My name is Hideki Motosuwa, and I'm a 19-year old prep school student. People think I'm perverted, but I'm not (although I like to read porn magazines - but it's not like that, I swear!), while my friends think I'm a nice guy (but always tease me about being a virgin - it's not my fault!). Being a ronin (a repeat student), I'm dirt broke, so you could imagine my surprise that I should come by a persocom in the trash. At the time, I thought my luck had finally changed. The persocom was damn cute, she was free, and she was mine, all mine!

Of course, if your name is Hideki Motosuwa, even free persocoms have a price. Like self-learning software that isn't all it's cracked up to be...

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I stumbled along the streets towards home after an exhausted day of work. Orders buzzing around from all sides, my boss yelling at me to pick up the pace, my brain fried from school was it was. At least when I got home I could try to relax and enjoy myself at long last. Even if it would only be for a few hours until sleep begged for attention. And, of course, a certain persocom would be there to boost my spirits. As long as she wasn't doing anything weird, I could finally have some sanity in my day.

I was so naive.

I should've realised something was up when I spotted the lights blaring from my apartment window. I hadn't thought much about it as I arrived at the building, since I assumed that Chi (my ever-so-cute persocom) was probably watching a cops show. She was capable of doing a few things now, and was learning steadily as our time together increased. It was a nosebleed to get her underwear (the horror of that incident still runs through my mind at times), but she was getting better at everyday life. I just had to keep teaching her at best as I could and hope that she could interpret my wayward teachings.

Unfortunately, she still had a tendency to be curious, as I found out very soon. I ambled up the stairs of the building to my floor. My door was the first on my right as I ascended the stairs, and right next to me was my school chum, Shimbo. He was a whiz at school, persocoms and technology, three things I knew little of. I usually had to ask him for anything concerning my persocom. He and his laptop persocom, Sumomo, were always happy to help, which must've been annoying, regardless of what he tries to insist otherwise. I was usually grateful for the help he gave me. However, there were times when asking for his assistance was just out of the question.

This was one of those times.

The blaring continued as I reached my door, but for some reason I didn't hear any loud crashes or sirens. Perplexed, I opened my door, expecting another cheerful "Welcome home" from the energetic Chi. I kicked off my shoes, not quite conscious, but for some reason I didn't feel the force of my persocom's embrace, nor her bright and charismatic greeting. Confusion grew, but it wasn't until I lifted my head to my apartment's surroundings that…

"Oh, shit!"

As soon as I looked up, I fell back onto the ground, blood leaking out of my nose.

Chi was watching one of my borrowed porn DVDs, dancing like the girls on the screen. She put her hands on her hips, then proceeded to wriggle around seductively. She had no idea the inappropriateness of what she was doing, she probably thought she was 'learning'. Oh, God...

"Chi... chi... chi..." She twisted her body as the women on the TV did, imitating their every movement. She had no idea I was home because she was almost entranced by what she was doing. Of course, when I fell with a thud onto the floor, my upper lip red from blood, she finally turned her attentions to me.

"Hideki, welcome home!" she cried in her usual bright and bubbly way. She launched onto my fallen body, crushing me further against the carpet. I blushed profusely, both from being in close proximity to Chi, and the horror of what she was just doing.

"Chi, what are you doing?" I managed to gasp after a moment. I was still wondering what she was doing copying the girls on the DVDs. Then again, I shouldn't have been, since her self-learning software caused her to imitate anything she saw. It was just my bad luck that she figured out how to work the DVD player AND play one of my boss's DVDs.

I lifted myself into a sitting position as Chi beamed with me. She looked as if she made an exciting new discovery, and was proud of it, and for a moment, I didn't feel like I wanted to know. However, being the semi-responsible persocom owner that I was, I needed to know. I tried putting on my serious, down-to-business face, like when Chi somehow got herself into a peep show. However, this time Chi was unaffected by it.

"Chi was dancing!" she cried simply, smiling widely. "Chi was dancing like Hideki's yummies!"

She started to 'dance' again, but I quickly grabbed her and sat her on the floor. She stared up at me with those big amber eyes of hers, and for some reason I couldn't help but smile at her innocence. However, I steeled myself as I attempted to discipline her. Disciplining a persocom... man, people already thought I was some country boy without an idea about technology. What would they think of me if they knew I had to tell my persocom what was right or wrong?

Nonetheless, I sat on my legs and stared straight at her. She copied me, right down to the stare I was giving her. My eye twitched and my mouth curved slightly, but I retained focus and attempted to straighten Chi out.

"Now, Chi, what were you doing watching those DVDs?" I asked calmly.

"Chi was waiting for Hideki, so Chi found something Chi could do. Hideki, what does "go for it" mean when naked women are dancing?"

I didn't expect that, and it showed when I collapsed backwards yet again, blood running out of my nose like a tap. Chi crawled over to me, staring at me like I had done something she hadn't seen before. I groaned mentally, wondering how she could still find my nosebleed habits fascinating after all this time.

She disappeared from my sight for a brief moment, but immediately afterwards I heard a soft thud, followed by a "Chi". My eyes almost rolled into my skull in amazement of Chi's almost compulsive copycat habits. Then again, I'd forgotten that she was still learning. Of course, she would imitate everything I did, down to the last detail. But still... copying the women on my boss's porn DVDs? What could possess her to do what? Oh well, I guess it's partly my fault, leaving her here by herself while I'm at school and work. But... still... porn!

We lay there for a while without realising it. Just me and Chi, and the DVD still running on the TV. Oh, shit! The DVD! I almost forgot!

I jumped to my feet, in less than an instant, had ejected the DVD from the player, and stuffed it hurriedly into its case. All the while, Chi was watching me from a sitting position on the floor. Her head was tilted and her eyes had that curiosity that was like a second nature to her. She looked so adorable, but it was that naive look on her face that usually caused us trouble.

Oh well, who cares? She's damn cute, that's all that matters!

"Chi do something bad?" the persocom in question asked. "Is Chi bad?"

I stared at her, my mouth gaping like a fish. I was stunned stupid, one, because she asked, and two, because (I just realised) her loose clothing was starting to droop... really low. It was so low that...

"Chi!" I yelled, grabbing her shirt and tugging it up so that her cleavage was as invisible as possible. Wait, what am I thinking? She's a persocom, that shouldn't matter! Ohhh! This is all becoming too much for a guy to handle!

"Chi," I tried again, slowly this time. "No, you're not bad. But you have to know that what they do is not what you should do. Remember the peep show?"

"Chi remembers," Chi replied. "Chi remembers Hideki say peep show is shady job. But Chi work at Tirol bakery now. Chi work for Manager who she call Manager."

"Yes, yes, I know," I said tiredly, waving a hand to dismiss it. Chi copied me - again - and I sweatdropped lightly. "But those women on the TV are like those in peep shows. You mustn't copy them."

"But," Chi piped up, "Hideki happy when yummies on TV dance. Something on Hideki also happy when yummies dance."

To my horror, she proceeded to point to my crotch. I blushed hotly and clutched it, my eyes starting to glaze over again. Why did I have to get excited by talking about it... Why!

"Chi not dance anymore?" my persocom asked, staring at me again. I craned my head from my position on the floor, uncertain of what to possibly reply with. My mouth opened and shut several times, each a failed attempt to explain the difference between porn and proper dancing.

"No... no, I don't mean that," I said finally. "I just mean... don't copy what those women do!"

"No?" Chi tilted her head, and the top of her shirt drooped again.

"GAH!"

**THE END**


End file.
